What Gender Means For a Woman of Today

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What Gender Means For a Woman of Today
By Danielle Jasmine Nordlund
Jun 19, 2006, 21:30:00

So here it is…another day into the night of a survivor, independent, super woman and all I feel like doing when I come home is to pick up something to eat (because I can't cook) and be told to be quiet and come to bed where I am forcefully made love to. The conquer becomes the conquest then falls soundly asleep and rests in order to take over the world by day only to surrender to it at night. Ah, the life of a strong and fulfilled woman in today's society. What bliss, we have the power and opportunity (that is, if we claim it) to conquer or forfeit accordingly to our very own personal taste. Although I wouldn't have it any other way, this daily transitioning of roles can be a bit overwhelming.

Our gender roles are implied throughout all that we are and do, but we have fought so hard to be treated fair and equal to our male counterparts, that we have lost sight of just how different from one another we actually are. We have demanded the respect that is allowed for men and now we are faced with asking the question, “May we also be treated like ladies?” These dual roles force us to delicately balance our lifestyles but we, as women, are the undisputed masters of balancing acts. So is it any wonder that somewhere along this intricate pathway, we have utterly confused our men leaving them with spinning heads and inspired phrases like “the woman is always right” (which we are) and “we men can’t say anything without getting into trouble.” This is not to imply that men be given sympathy, but rather that we let up on them once in awhile because as difficult as it is to maintain our level of strong independent womanhood, it must also be a bit difficult to deal with it from a male perspective. So I suggest that we occasionally use a statement, something along the lines of “Yes baby, I know it is hard to grasp but you may never forcefully take charge or tell me what to do unless I need you to, understand?” Okay so maybe in certain instances they do deserve our sympathy. As we sat in the car one night with the music thumping, he wanted to drive around the city for a few blocks and I told him to turn the music down because I wanted to go home. He then replied with authority, “I know you are who you are and I love you for it, but can’t you just quietly sit there and let me be a man?” I kept quiet while his testosterone blasted through the speakers and in a matter of minutes we were home. Basically, with all the barriers we are breaking, we have men questioning their own roles and place within society, so in the end we must also let them be men.

The struggles we face are not as clear cut as the obstacles our predecessors were faced with, but ours require the talented and often confusing act of joggling these contradictory roles in full view of our societal audience, whom are patiently waiting in pressure filled tents for you to drop the ball. As if to say: “Give up and run your barefoot, pregnant, kitchen-belonging self home to your house, your children, your husband, and your wasted dreams of obtaining anything more!” This is not to say that managing a household, getting married, and bringing life into this world are not worthy goals, in fact it is women like myself whom admire these accomplishments more than anyone, for these are the roles which I have the most self doubt of obtaining. My point is to acknowledge that by no means do these roles incorporate the scope of what we, as women, are capable of achieving. We have come a long way, for we are now considered in many aspects of our society as a force to be reckoned with--in and out of the home.

I am by no means a raging self- proclaiming-go tell it on the mountain-feminist, but I do live my life guided by a system of convictions, which are fundamentally feminist in theory. I express those views while proclaiming my identity as a strong independent woman in today's society. I also seek to teach through example for all the women who were not blessed with the abundant education of womanhood through their mothers. This is where we women are lacking in today’s society: instead of helping each other up, we are putting each other down. If we do not support ourselves then how can we ever expect to be supported by men? The roles we choose to fulfill are a matter of personal taste, not a responsibility to society. There are women whom feel their children and family come before everything else and there are other women whom feel their career is of the utmost importance. There are no right or wrong choices here, we fought hard for the rights to make such choices and we must now honor their many outcomes. Even though there are still some stigmatisms placed by society’s old fashion ideals, it is perfectly acceptable for a woman to not want children or marriage or even men. This is their choice and as woman we need to respect and honor each other’s individual choices. We’ve certainly earned it.

So as we women continue to discover the realm of possibilities available to us, we must also continue to nurture some gender dynamics that we are intent on keeping. Such as: the check paid on a date, doors held open, flat tires changed in the rain, and flowers sent on Valentines Day. No one said it would be easy, but our path has been paved all we have to do is choose a direction. Our gender differences will always be there and we must decide as individuals what we personally expect from our selves, rather than what society expects from us. As an independent woman with feminist tendencies, yet lady-like expectendencies, I hold the responsibility of balancing these roles out within my own life. I stand there working the register at one of my two jobs, thinking about all the school work I have ahead of me for that night, when a man with a puffed out chest, broad stiff shoulders, and an intentionally deep voice walks up. He says, “Would you mind me asking for your number?” I hold in my thoughts (of how completely inappropriate I think it is for him to approach me with this hunter mentality, asking me for my number when we haven’t even spoken two words to each other yet) and calmly say, “I don’t mind the asking, I mind the giving.”